Recently, I was watching my 9-month-old baby as he played on the floor. Laying on his back, he held his hands up in front of his face, staring at them intently. I watched him clasp and unclasp his hands, clap, stretch his tiny fingers, twist and turn his pudgy wrists, seeming captivated by the movement of his own little body.

What would it be like for each of us to notice our bodies with wonder and curiosity? What would change if we could see our bodies with fascination and awe, instead of with criticism and disdain?

There have been some monumental moments in my life in which I’ve felt profound wonder towards my body. Seeing my body change through pregnancy, witnessing its power through childbirth, and feeling it heal from significant injuries have all been experiences that have made me acknowledge how astounding my body is. There are also many, many everyday moments in which I can’t help but be fascinated by my body. Over the years, I’ve tried to develop a habit of paying more attention to my body as it does everyday things. As I’ve done so, I’ve connected with a truth about my body that grows more meaningful and deeply felt as time goes on: my body is a wonder. 

I find wonder in my body as I sit on the floor and stretch before bed. Each movement of my limbs is the result of the complex mechanics of muscles, tendons, and ligaments working together.

I find wonder in my body as my fingers type this blog post. My fingers tap the keyboard with rapid, reflexive, fine-tuned movements that I create consciously but that also feel automatic and intuitive. How many neural pathways in my brain are firing at once as my fingers type?

I find wonder in my body as I stare out the window. There are six extraocular muscles that surround each of my eyes and control their movement. Those muscles contract and relax automatically, letting my eyes move and change focus from the window pane in front of me to the tree across the street. I don’t tell my pupils when to dilate, but they do, responding seamlessly to changes in the light around me. As my pupils allow in light from the outside world, photoreceptor cells on my retina turn that light into electrical signals, which travel through my optic nerve and to my brain, where my brain creates and interprets images. And that, somehow, is how sight works. (I had to look all this up, by the way. https://www.nei.nih.gov/learn-about-eye-health/healthy-vision/how-eyes-work)

I am fascinated and amazed by my body! Even as she ages, and even with her weaknesses, she is a wonder. 

Not all moments in our bodies are filled with awe and amazement. Sometimes, having a body can be difficult, painful, frustrating, or embarrassing. Regardless, I believe there is healing to be found in acknowledging the truly amazing things our bodies–of all ages, sizes, and abilities–are constantly doing for us. Noticing the wonders your body is working can be a piece of finding greater peace in your relationship with your body.

An eating disorder can impact every facet of life, especially the relationships that matter most to you. If you are in a romantic relationship, and have an eating disorder, there have likely been some difficult conversations about how your ED impacts your relationship, and vice versa. Even though it’s challenging, navigating through eating recovery while in a relationship can also bring depth and strength to both your recovery and your connection with your partner.  

Over the next few blog posts, I’ll be answering some common questions about handling different aspects of recovery while in a relationship. Let’s dive in!

Q: How do I help my significant other understand my experience with my eating disorder?

A: It can feel really hard to explain the experience of an eating disorder to someone who has never had one themselves. Here are a few thoughts that might help:

• Don’t stress about explaining yourself perfectly or getting a complete understanding from your significant other. Gaining understanding is a process, and will take time and experience together. Remember that you and your partner don’t have to understand each other perfectly in order to give and receive meaningful support. 
• Invite them to join a therapy session with you. Talk with your therapist about the possibility of inviting your partner to join a session occasionally. Your therapist can support you in explaining how you’re feeling, and in addressing concerns that you and your partner might have about recovery.
• Share part of a journal entry with your partner, then talk about it together. Sometimes sharing something you’ve written down can be a starting point for a conversation about how you’re feeling.

Q: How can my significant other support me without smothering me?

A: It makes sense that you need both support and space from your partner as you work through recovery. You can’t do recovery alone, but your partner also can’t make recovery happen for you by watching your every move. Some tips for balancing support and space in your relationship:

• Make a structured plan for checking in with your significant other about recovery. Schedule the times you’ll check in, and make an agenda for what you’ll talk about. 
• For example:

Check-in every night at 9:30
1. Be accountable for any ED behaviors from the day.

2. Share a recovery victory that happened today.
3. Make a plan for any challenges coming up tomorrow.

Scheduling daily or weekly check-ins can help you and your significant other stay connected, without feeling like you have to constantly be talking about the eating disorder and nothing else. Let the schedule of your check-ins do the work of starting the conversation.

• Share your treatment goals with your partner, and involve them where possible. Tell your partner what you’re working on with your dietitian and your therapist. If your partner has no idea what’s happening in your recovery, they are more likely to feel like they have to monitor your every move. If you feel like you’re being watched or babysat, you’re likely to feel frustrated and irritated. On the other hand, if you can share what your goals are, and specific ways your partner can help with those goals, you can get support without feeling suffocated.

Q: Won’t talking about my eating disorder just make my partner feel worried and stressed?

A: This is a very common concern that can feel really complicated. A few things to remember:

• Communicating consistently about your recovery is likely to be more helpful than harmful. Your partner is likely to worry more if you don’t talk consistently about how things are going.
• You are not responsible for managing your partner’s worry or stress. It’s up to them to ask for support from you or from others as they manage their own emotions and needs. Allowing your partner to feel their emotions and seek needed support is a healthy way to manage challenges in a relationship. Likewise, your partner should not assign you responsibility for their emotions.
• Sometimes worry and concern can be helpful to your recovery and relationship. If your partner is genuinely expressing concern, that may be valuable feedback that can support your recovery process.

Tune in to my next blog post for more Q and A on relationships!

So, you’re feeling like you might be ready to try working with a therapist. You’re not sure how it will go or what to expect. You’re wondering if talking to someone about your struggles will actually be helpful. What happens if you don’t like your therapist? Or what if talking about your struggles starts to feel overwhelming?

If you’re having any of these thoughts as you consider starting therapy, I want to reassure you that you’re definitely not alone! It makes sense that coming in for your first therapy session can feel a bit intimidating. As a therapist, I’d say that most people feel some nervousness about coming into therapy for the first time. In this blog post, I’ll share my answers to a few of the questions I often hear from people about what to expect from a first therapy session. If you’re thinking about starting therapy, I hope you’ll find something helpful here!

What will my first therapy session be like?

Many therapists will have you fill out a simple questionnaire before your appointment, so they have a bit of information about why you’re wanting to come to therapy before you meet with them. When you first sit down together, your therapist might talk about privacy and confidentiality, and might explain some of the office policies. They might ask you about what made you decide to set an appointment, and what circumstances in your life are relevant to what you want to talk about in therapy. Your therapist might also work with you to set some specific goals for what you hope to get out of therapy. Your first session is also a chance for you to ask your therapist any questions you have.

What should I do to prepare for my first session?

Having some notes on what you’re needing from therapy can be helpful. Same goes for any questions or concerns you’d like to bring up with your therapist. There’s really nothing “required” for the first session except for the paperwork the therapist’s office sends you before your appointment (consent and privacy information, your payment agreement, contact information, etc.,). Having your paperwork filled out before your appointment will help you have all the session time available for talking with your therapist. Planning ahead to get to your therapist’s office a few minutes early can also help you feel less rushed and stressed.

What do I do if I don’t like my therapist?

I can’t speak for all therapists, but I like to let my clients know that it’s important to me that they find a therapist who feels like a good fit for their needs. If someone legitimately feels I’m not a good fit for them, I fully want them to let me know so I can either make adjustments to meet their needs better or support them in finding a therapist who feels like a better fit. You always have permission to do what feels right for you, including bringing up concerns with your therapist, or finding a therapist who feels like a better fit.

What if therapy feels too overwhelming?

Therapy is not always easy. In fact, most of the time, it can be a challenging experience. I know this firsthand as a therapist and someone with lots of experience going to therapy myself! Talking with a stranger about the most difficult parts of your life can be hard. Ideally, your therapist will help you go at a pace that is challenging, but not completely overwhelming. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can talk with your therapist about what you’re experiencing.

Starting therapy can take a lot of courage! I know I am biased, but I am a firm believer that therapy can be an incredibly helpful experience. You deserve to find the support you need, and I hope this blog post is helpful to you!