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Colder Weather and Mental Health

Colder Weather and Mental Health

by | Jan 11, 2023

As the weather changes and winter begins, many of us find ourselves adjusting and staying indoors in effort to avoid the cold temperatures. Although there is comfort in that, there is also value in getting outside and honoring your mental health throughout the winter season. When the daylight becomes shorter and the temperatures drop, you may find yourself needing to challenge your current habits to create a healthier mental make-up throughout the season.

Find ways to celebrate winter and express gratitude for the season while it is here. Being in the sun increases the release of a hormone called serotonin in your brain that can aid in mood regulation and the regulation of your circadian rhythm. Making changes to your daily routine can assist you in avoiding a decrease in serotonin levels and a change in mental soundness.

Here are 5 things that you can do to explore honoring your mental health throughout the season:

  • Bundle up and get outside. Whether you go on a hike, engage in winter activities such as sledding and skiing, or take a walk around your neighborhood. 
  • Open your blinds and sit by the window. Enjoy the sun within the comfort and warmth of your home.
  • Keep your social relationships active and stay connected. Plan a get together with coworkers, friends, or family, and engage with your ability to connect throughout the season.  
  • Enjoy a warm beverage to celebrate the colder weather. Try the new holiday flavors and get a taste of the winter season.
  • Get on a sleep schedule that is compatible with your needs. Not getting enough rest hinders your ability to perform daily tasks and keep up with your mental and physical well-being. 

If you find yourself experiencing symptoms that are heavy and overwhelming as the weather changes, seek out a therapist that can support you in working towards a healthier mental make-up.

Focus Your Goals

Focus Your Goals

by | Dec 28, 2022

We’re approaching the end of the year and the beginning of an onslaught of pressure to set goals for self-improvement in the new year. With all that pressure, it can be easy to feel like now is the time to change ALL THE THINGS. I want to remind you that you don’t need to start waking up earlier, read more books, make more homemade meals, write thank-you cards, learn Spanish, take guitar lessons, volunteer at the food bank, call your mom more often, drink more water, use your phone less, and practice mindfulness all at once. It’s great to want to improve and grow, AND remember that you don’t have to work on everything at the same time. If your list of goals is starting to get as long as a CVS receipt, it might be time to consider that perfectionism may be taking over your goal-setting.

Self-criticism might be telling you that you really DO need to change all of your habits at once because you’re not good enough. Perfectionism might tell you that not setting goals in all areas of your life means you aren’t trying hard enough. If your goals are bred by feelings of self-criticism and inadequacy, you’ll likely have a hard time sticking to them. In the end, trying to criticize yourself into changing probably isn’t going to help you. On the other hand, if your goals are born out of a desire to have more of what matters to you, you’re more likely to feel motivated to achieve your goals. 

If you want to increase your chances of success, pick one or two goals that resonate with you, rather than having an intimidating, stress-inducing list of things you’re trying to change at once. Real, meaningful change happens through gradual, focused effort. Think about how an icicle forms–one drop of water at a time, dripping and freezing in the same spot over and over until the icicle takes shape. Give yourself a chance to focus on improving one important thing at a time, instead of overburdening yourself with a long list of goals.

Here’s one strategy for creating a short, manageable list of goals:

  1. Start with a brain-dump. Write down all the things you feel like you should or want to change. It’s ok if the list is long.
  2. Cross off anything on the list that feels like it’s coming from self-criticism.
  3. Cross off anything on the list that feels like it’s coming from someone else’s expectations, instead of from what really matters to you.
  4. Look at what’s left, and limit yourself to circling just five items that resonate with you.
  5. Of those five, narrow down to three (I know, this is hard!).
  6. Turn your three items into SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-defined). For example: instead of “Read more books,” try “Read 12 books by December 31, 2023.”
  7. Write down your three SMART goals in a place where you’ll see them daily.

I hope that as you wrap up 2022 and begin 2023, you’ll be able to feel hopeful and excited about the growth and change ahead of you. If overwhelm is starting to flood over you, remember that it’s ok to simplify, ok to say “no” or “not yet” to some changes, and definitely ok to remember that perfectionism does not have to be in charge of your life.

Season of Connection

Season of Connection

by | Nov 30, 2022

The holiday season is a season of connection. Time spent with family and friends celebrating with both seasoned traditions and new experiences. Because connection can feel vulnerable in a period of distress, you may find yourself wanting to disconnect to protect your eating disorder and the comfort that vulnerability avoidance brings. However, it is your eating disorder that wants you to avoid things that you previously loved to engage in for fear of growth and recovery outside of your current disordered behaviors.

Being truly connected means being seen, heard, and valued for where you are presently. Without being vulnerable and welcoming connection into your life, you are avoiding a crucial piece of the recovery puzzle. Vulnerability in regards to connection can mean different things at different points within recovery. Whether that means being honest with yourself about your eating concerns, being open with your treatment team, reaching out to your support system for help, or challenging yourself to engage in various types of connection that once brought you joy. These steps will aid you in growth towards recovery and a life without restraint.

Remember that your eating disorder is trying to take over. Don’t allow it to diminish the joy and connection you are capable of experiencing this holiday season. Eating disorders thrive in periods of disconnect and solitude. Lean into your ability to connect with your body, your values, and others throughout this holiday season. 

Ask For What You Need

Ask For What You Need

by | Nov 16, 2022

 

When I was a teenager, I had a therapist who shared an insight that has stuck with me. She said, “Healthy people ask for what they need.” For 17-year-old me, this felt like a revelation, as I was accustomed to trying to do most things in my life independently. I tried as hard as I could to get through the hard parts of my life without asking anything of anyone for fear of being a burden. It had never occurred to me that it might be healthy to ask for what I needed.

As life has gone on, I’ve seen the benefits of having the courage to speak up for my own needs. I also get to see my therapy clients experience change and healing as they step into advocating for their needs in their relationships. Even after years of experiencing and witnessing the benefits of asking in healthy ways to have needs met, I’ll admit that this principle is still really difficult for me. I still tend to be overly independent, and I still often struggle to ask for what I need. It’s not easy!

Many of the clients I meet with who are working through recovery from eating concerns can relate to the struggle of asking for what they need. Asking to have needs met can be incredibly vulnerable. It can feel scary and overwhelming to fear being a burden to others, to worry that your needs are not actually valid, or to doubt that your needs will be met by the people in your life. Despite all of these vulnerabilities, asking for what you need is still an essential part of finding success in eating recovery. Here are a few insights that might help you if you are struggling to ask for what you need:

  1. Remember that having needs is part of being human. There are zero people on this planet who don’t have needs and who don’t need help getting those needs met. Having needs doesn’t make you selfish, weak, or broken.
  2. Being straightforward when you ask for what you need is healthy. Clear, open, and specific statements of your needs can help build your relationships and increase the likelihood that your needs will be met. Don’t get me wrong, there are unhealthy ways to ask to have your needs met. These less healthy ways usually involve indirect communication and can end up being received as passive-aggressive, manipulative, or confusing. Being direct and open about what you need can feel vulnerable, but it allows for honest and effective communication. You can be both assertive and respectful of others’ needs as you advocate for yourself. Some examples of healthy, straightforward statements of needs:
    1. “I need you to support my recovery by not discussing your diet around me.”
    2. “I need help sticking to my meal plan today. Are you able to help me by eating dinner with me tonight?”
    3. “This conversation is important to me. I need you to set your phone down while we talk so I know you’re hearing me.”
  3. Asking for help when you need it will actually help you be more self-sufficient in the long run. Our needs usually don’t go away when we ignore or hide them. They stick around, and if we don’t ask for help in getting them met, we can soon deal with a pile of needs that feel impossible to meet. If you ask for what you need early on, your needs will likely feel more manageable as you move forward.

Having needs is human, and so is needing help meeting your needs! Especially as we approach a time of year when we spend more time around our loved ones, I hope we’ll all feel able to speak up and ask for what we need.

New Year, New Mindset

New Year, New Mindset

by | Jan 5, 2022

My whole life I felt the pressure of making goals when January would come around. But I don’t think I ever had awareness around what type of goal I should even set.

Because if you’re like me, you may have set extreme goals. I set goals that included waking up two hours earlier, the opposite of mindful eating, and balanced exercise. The problem is that I was trying to change something that wasn’t realistic and what society was telling me. 

Then February would come around, and I hadn’t come close to hitting those goals because they weren’t meant to be hit in the first place. Then the feelings of shame and let down would surface.

It wasn’t until my late 20’s that January would come around, and I started to realize that goals should benefit your life in a healthy balanced way. That I couldn’t become “more” worthy because I was already worthy as I am. Instead, I started to make goals that changed my mindset to increase my sense of self. I began to make simple daily goals that pushed me forward in the way I wanted to show up every day.

Here are a few examples of goals I have set:

  • Wake up 10 minutes earlier to take a few deep breaths, and decide how I want to feel that day.
  • Daily gratitude- made simple: writing down a quick thought or simply noting gratitude in my head.
  • Speaking kindly to myself, especially when my old stories come up.
  • Choosing to embrace new experiences and learning to let go of control.

Here are a few of my tips when making daily goals:

  • Make it simple, don’t overcomplicate it. 
  • Don’t be too rigid in your goals; life happens, and sometimes you have to let go of the plan you had that day. 
  • Don’t make goals thinking you will become worthy if you hit them. That’s a big plan for feeling let down 
  • Make goals that help you have a more profound sense of self.

The difference I have felt from going from the old unrealistic goals to the new simple daily goals – is learning to live more intentionally in the present moment. I challenge you to set a few minutes aside and think of daily goals to help you cultivate the way you want to feel and show up daily. 

To: Me; From: Me

To: Me; From: Me

by | Dec 22, 2021

The holidays are right around the corner! If you’re like me, I’ve been trying to coordinate gifts for friends and family members for months. If you still need a last-minute gift idea, check out our holiday gift guide based on love languages (find it here). My love language is words of affirmation or gifts, so it’s very important and fun for me to take the time to really find the perfect gift for those in my life. It also really touches me when others spend time and energy to give me a gift (no matter how small).  For me, gifts aren’t shallow, they can be meaningful gestures to show loved ones that you really know them and are paying attention, that you appreciate them, and that you care about the things that matter to them. One of the reasons I love this time of year is for the nearly palpable feeling of generosity. People seem to be more willing to serve, to give, and to band together as a community.

With gift-giving on the brain, I spent some time thinking about what gifts I would want for you, those doing the hard, tedious, and often painful work of recovery to give yourself. The act of stepping into recovery is a gift that you are giving your past, current, and future self. However, I have an unconventional gift in mind that I believe will have huge payouts for you in the long-run. The gift I want you to give yourself this holiday season is a closet cleanout.

This holiday season, I want you to clean out all the old, uncomfortable, outdated, and ill-fitting clothing. Trash, donate, sell any clothing item that will not allow your current body to be the wonderful instrument that it is. Get it out of your house as soon as you can. Okay, stick with me here. I know a closet cleanout is not the most glamorous of all gifts, but it will absolutely be the gift that keeps on giving. I’m going to walk you through three awesome outcomes that could occur after ditching those clothes hanging in your closet and opting to dress in a way that your current body can feel comfortable and uninhibited.

Create Greater Body Appreciation

First, getting rid of anything clothing that is not comfortable or well-fitting allows you to have a greater appreciation for the body you’re in now. Dressing your current body shows acceptance and commitment to having a good relationship with yourself in the present. Dressing in clothing that is not the right size, holding on hope for your body to change, etc. is a disservice to you actually living your life in your body. Being uncomfortable often prevents you from being present. Getting rid of ill-fitting clothes is a commitment to live life in the present and in your present body.

Reduce Triggering Try-Ons

Next, a closet clean-out can also reduce triggering try-ons. Seeing clothing hanging in your closet that are not comfortable, that you do not like, or that no-longer fit can spur on anxiety. Keeping clothes that are from your eating disordered past can be triggering anytime you try them on and they no longer fit or you do not like the way you look. Give your future self a gift and get rid of the clothing that no longer fits. There will be so much peace that comes with knowing everything in your closet is good to go, comfy, and ready to wear. 

Greater Commitment to Recovery

Finally, one major benefit of a closet cleanout is the commitment to recovery. This actionable decision to rid yourself of clothing that is restrictive or tied to restricting can draw you closer to honoring your body and letting go of your eating disorder. You might be holding onto clothing that doesn’t fit in hopes that these items can somehow accommodate your recovered body. Starting fresh, dressing for your current body, and allowing yourself to lean into recovery is a gift that you deserve. Bodies change and evolve as you change and evolve. It is okay to ditch the sick clothes and find the peace and comfort (literally) that comes from more fully embracing recovery.

Connecting During the Holiday Season

Connecting During the Holiday Season

by | Dec 1, 2021

The holiday season can be a time of togetherness and loneliness. Maybe you’re like me, with family spread across the US. It can feel lonely to be apart from loved ones, but we’ve found ways to connect. I’ve got three recommendations for connecting with loved ones this holiday season. 

#1 Connect in creative ways

Find ways to connect with your people. Every year Hallmark gifts us with more Christmas movies than we know what to do with. I love reviewing the movie list with my sister and mom, judging the movies based solely on titles. Some of our categories include best movie, worst movie, cheesiest movie, cleverest plot, and the movie you turn off before it’s finished. Even if you’re far away from family, you can choose a cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie to watch and then discuss your review via video chat. Hallmark movies may not be your thing, but how can you connect with those you love in creative ways? 

#2 Make connection simple

The holiday season is a crazy time of year and if you’re not careful it can become stressful. Find simple ways to connect that prioritize time together (even via technology) over elaborate plans. Check out these ideas: 

Try a new recipe a week and report back to your people how it went

Work on the same craft and discuss what is going well and what challenges you are facing

Join or start a book club where you can discuss a shared read

Learn a new dance and try to do it together– virtually or in person

Go on a walk “together.” This can be walking side by side, or you can plan a time to both be walking, wherever you may be, and chat on the phone

Try to draw something new and send pictures of the final product

Order dinner at the same time and jump on a call while you eat

#3 Connect in your community

There are limitless options to connect with others. Find what works for you. Now, maybe you have a hard time finding your people to connect with. Check out these ideas for finding your people: 

Connect with neighbors

Volunteer for an organization that interests you

Attend a church congregation

Sign up for a class in your community

Serve someone/Accept service from someone

Get a pen pal

Invite people over for dessert and games (someone has to be the inviter)

I hope you feel loved and connected this holiday season. 

 

Three Thanksgiving Recovery Tips

Three Thanksgiving Recovery Tips

by | Nov 24, 2021

In last week’s blog, Kylee Marshall gave us some great illustrations of what Thanksgiving can look like for intuitive eaters. (If you haven’t read her blog yet, go check it out!) This week, I want to give you three simple suggestions for staying on the right track with your eating recovery this Thanksgiving.

1. Envision Your Wins

Thanksgiving in eating recovery can feel overwhelming for a lot of reasons, food-related and otherwise. At the same time, because it can be such a challenging day, Thanksgiving can be an opportunity to take meaningful steps forward in your recovery. Envisioning your recovery wins can help you make them a reality. Take some time to think about just one success you hope to have this Thanksgiving. You don’t have to think on a grand scale here. In fact, keep this win small, but specific. For example, maybe you want your win to be truly savoring and enjoying one of your aunt’s homemade rolls. Maybe you want to be able to focus on talking with your sibling during the Thanksgiving meal, instead of being preoccupied with thoughts about food. Maybe your win will be checking in with your hunger/fullness level before, during, and after the meal. Write your intention down as you approach the day, and commit to making that vision become a reality. 

2. Support Yourself Instead of Pushing Yourself

Monica Packer, host of the About Progress podcast, talks about the idea of supporting yourself instead of pushing yourself as you work toward goals. I think this concept is a beautiful one to apply to eating recovery. After you’ve set your intention for a Thanksgiving win, try planning one simple thing you can do to support yourself as you work toward your intention. What kind, compassionate care can you give yourself to help your vision of success become a reality? Maybe you’ll set aside time to listen to a song that will help you feel supported before your Thanksgiving meal. Perhaps you’ll choose to spend a few soothing moments sitting outdoors after eating. Maybe you’ll FaceTime with a person in your life who understands how challenging Thanksgiving can be. Whatever you choose, remember that any small act done with the intention of lovingly supporting yourself can make a difference in your recovery.

3. Keep the Day in Perspective

Finally, as you approach Thanksgiving prepared with your intention and your plan to support yourself, remember that Thanksgiving is just one day. It’s a holiday that can be messy and complicated, and in many ways, it can be just another day. Your body will use food on this day the same way it does every other day–for nourishment and energy. On this day, just like other days, you do not have to participate in diet talk. Food you eat on Thanksgiving, like food you eat on other days, will not create drastic changes in your body. Food will be one feature of this day, but it does not have to be in charge of your day. This is true every day, not just on Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving might not ever be the easiest day of the year in eating recovery, but I hope you’ll remember that you can keep moving forward in your recovery tomorrow. You can make a difference in your own recovery, even through the difficulty of the holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving to you!