801.361.8589 [email protected]
The Power of Your Pack

The Power of Your Pack

In today’s busy world, it can seem nearly impossible to cultivate meaningful adult friendships. I mean, we have homes and careers to keep up with, family, marriage, and parenting responsibilities, bills to pay, groceries to buy, and we are all trying to get enough sleep and exercise- the thought of maintaining friendships beyond a simple “like” on Instagram can feel overwhelming!

I want to share with you that in the midst of juggling all of the balls you keep in the air, devoting time to your own grown up friendships is one of the most significant ways you can care for yourself.

Friendships provide the social support network needed to effectively ride the waves of the ups and downs each of us will experience in life. “Women are each other’s emotional support system. From giving advice, being a shoulder to cry on, keeping secrets, lending a listening ear and boosting self-esteem—developing strong and healthy female friendships is something all women can benefit from” (Fuller, 2018).

Neuroscience confirms the benefits we receive from our friends! Oxytocin is our love and bonding neurochemical. It’s what floods a woman’s system immediately after childbirth, enabling maternal attachment with her new child. It contributes to the bonding between romantic partners. Oxytocin is also released in the brain when we are interacting socially. “At our most elemental level, humans are social animals. Our brains evolved to ensure our survival, and they operate best when we interact and connect with others. Science has proven that social exchanges change (oxytocin) and circuit activity in your brain which decreases stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms and ups those calm and happy feelings” (Hampton, 2015).
Women specifically reap benefits of social interaction with friends. “Women…are genetically hard-wired for friendship in large part due to the oxytocin released into their bloodstream, combined with the female reproductive hormones. When life becomes challenging, women seek out friendships with other women as a means of regulating stress levels. A common female stress response is to “tend and befriend.” That is, when women become stressed, their inclination is to nurture those around them and reach out to others” (Kamen, 2013).

Have you ever felt the need to reach out for support and a listening ear when you are feeling depressed or are facing a crisis? That’s your biology doing it’s best to urge you towards what will help you! Several years ago, I hit a critical time in my life when it felt like everything was falling apart. As I leaned heavily on my girlfriends during this time, I felt buoyed up by their strength and support. Their love made me feel worthy of care again. Their belief in me helped me re-learn to believe in myself. Reaching out for others while I was in distress created a pack of powerful, wise women around me. It turns out- my biology really did know what I needed to survive the crisis at hand!

Developing and nurturing positive female friendships will not just boost your emotional health, researchers have shown friendships impact women’s physical health as well. “The Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School showed that the more friends women have, the less likely they are to develop physical impairments as they age, and the more likely they are to lead a contented life.The study also showed that not having friends or confidants is as detrimental to your health as being overweight or smoking cigarettes” (Kamen, 2013).
My grown up girlfriends have been one of the biggest factors to my happiness and success navigating life. We’ve cheered each other on, been shoulders to cry on, and have celebrated the innumerable milestones of each other’s children. This pack of women let me know that I’m not alone in the world, that my parenting experiences are mostly normal, and that my thoughts and feelings are valid. They encourage me to live my best life and I cheer them on as they do the same.

We tend and befriend.

When women support each other, the results are incredible.

 

References

Fuller, K. (2018). The Importance of Female Friendships Among Women. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201808/the-importance-female-friendships-among-women

Hampton, D. (2015, June 21). Why Spending Time With Friends Boosts Your Oxytocin. Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20069/why-spending-time-with-friends-boosts-your-oxytocin.html

Kamen, R. (2013, January 29). Why Friendship Is Good for Your Health. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/female-friendship_b_2193062?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAKRqwsqXN2ISO0cd4MZpmvcOtHedW2ancajDKUQIZPz02lS9cbK8dWHy8oKqr9vI0BTvdwQq6fNU-i4J-KDeAMajvfr1Gaj1xyqX2K6_3r0FdVb3cwdY66csfmeCMQxK7rPO5ZtfRnkBhO_44qeuUbTWa1MEnKgEsABDcKxvCFz5 (more…)

What I Learned From Trekking

What I Learned From Trekking

I just got back from trek. Trek is a church activity that spans a couple of days. Teenagers along with their adult leaders dress up in pioneer clothes, put their very few items that they can bring in a 5-gallon bucket, toss the buckets in a two-wheeled handcart that they then pull for miles each day to hopefully help them understand just a tiny bit of what the early pioneers felt as they walked across the plains to get to Utah in the 1800s.

As you can imagine, most teenagers are not excited to throw on their bloomers or khaki pants to pull a wagon for several days in the summer heat, and I was feeling that same way. I realized the night before that I cannot have a bad attitude going into this because that will not help the 200 teenagers that are going to be dragging their feet. I thought to myself that I am going to smile and learn something!

I am glad I changed my attitude. I learned a few lessons from trek that I thought I’d share.

Make unexpected happenings into an Adventure

By the second day of the trek everyone was pretty worn-out. We had walked 15 miles in 2 days and we all just wanted to sit and relax at our campsite. We had just trekked into camp when we see the darkest clouds making their way over to us. Seagulls were flying all around in a frenzy which made all of us begin to panic, and just like a switch that gets flipped on and off, the rain was flipped on, and it was turned on HIGH.

Huge raindrops, loud thunder, and intense lightning came for us. We had 3 easy-ups that had been set up around our food area and it was a race to attach the side panels to create a more rain resistant shelter. One of the amazing youth leaders was running from side to side attaching the Velcro with the biggest smile on her face. She came back under the easy-up with her hair stuck to her wet face and her arms raised up in the air shouting “this is an adventure!”

If I was her, I’d have slumped back under the easy-ups with nothing but negativity. I would be focused on how wet I was and how dinner preparation was not going as planned, but this amazing leader took a completely different approach. Instead of being down-trodden she was excited to figure out how to prepare dinner in a different way than was planned.

Dinner was made and it was delicious.

I know it is so hard to have a good attitude when plans don’t go as we expected, but there is so much good that comes when we see “Plan B” as an “adventure” rather than a “back up.”

Wearing the right shoes is imperative for support

We had a sweet girl that decided to wear boots instead of her trusty tennis shoes and it showed by the end of the first 8-mile day. Her feet were covered in blisters. A member of the medical team we had there even said that she may not be able to trek the next day. Needless to say, she had a whole lot of duct tape and moleskin on her poor feet.

Yes, the combat boots went better with her floral skirt, but the tennis shoes would have been able to give her the support that her feet needed. While I was trekking along I was thinking about support systems as I was thinking of this poor girl’s feet. If we surround ourselves with the support system, we can avoid a lot of hurt.

My mind instantly went to the movie MEAN GIRLS. When Lindsey Lohan, the main character, hangs around the mean girls she just ends up getting burned over and over again. She finally learns her lesson and surrounds herself with her family and people that care about her. Now, life will not be easy, but we can definitely lessen the amount of blisters we get on our feet depending on the support of our shoes.

In short…

make the unexpected into an adventure! No more sitting around and ruminating over the changes – embrace it. Also, make sure to surround yourself with a support system that will prevent the blisters, rather than cause them.

Too Much Technology?

Too Much Technology?

I recently watched a new Ted Talk called “The Future of Happiness: Getting Unstuck in the Digital Era” delivered by Amy Blankson just a few weeks ago on May 4th. While acknowledging how technology could be a distraction in our lives, Blankson also spoke of its benefits. (more…)

Embodying Desire

Embodying Desire

Are there specific labels you deeply fear could be applied to you? Labels that are so aversive to you that you might spend a lot of time or energy engaging in your life in ways to avoid being perceived as those things? Maybe “lazy” or “incompetent” or “stuck up,” for examples? That label, for me, is “selfish.” I don’t know exactly where this came from but I have an incredibly strong aversion to being, or being perceived as selfish. Maybe it’s from the culture I grew up in. Maybe it’s from my family of origin. Maybe it was simply in the Kool-aid I drank. But I don’t think I’m alone in this experience.  (more…)

A Case For Solo Travel

A Case For Solo Travel

Last month I spent five days traveling around the North Island of New Zealand in a camper van by myself. Now whether your reaction is – “Epic!” or “But what about all of the things that could go wrong?!” – I’d like to make a case for why I think everyone should do something like this at some point in their life. (more…)

When Numbing Becomes a Way of Life Part 2

When Numbing Becomes a Way of Life Part 2

Though numbing is often used to avoid difficult emotions, such as pain, fear, grief, and shame, it can also be used to numb feelings of powerlessness, uncertainty, overwhelm, discontent, and disillusionment. Life is big, it is so, so big, and I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I consider the scope of life and all that it calls for, it leaves me feeling very overwhelmed and not at all up to the task. Churchill put it best: “Life is one damn thing after another.”  Truer words were never spoken. (more…)

When Numbing Becomes a Way of Life – Part 1

When Numbing Becomes a Way of Life – Part 1

 

Let’s get one thing straight at the start of this blog post: we all numb our pain. We may like to pretend otherwise; that we are somehow more enlightened, that we lean into our pain, that we are proactive about our coping skills, and that we are invested in understanding our emotional experience, and while we may believevery strongly in the value of these approaches to life, when it comes right down to it, when we are hit upside the head with painful emotions, most of us flee. We head for cover, reach for the nearest bag of potato chips, put ourselves in a Netflix-induced coma, or push ourselves to oblivion out on the trail. The mechanism of numbing may be different, but the fact remains the same:  we numb in the face of pain.  (more…)