My husband comes from a large extended family that has a tradition that I love. When someone in the family is getting married, a few months prior to the big day, they hold a family wedding shower. At the famous wedding shower, not only are most embarrassing moments shared, but tidbits of wedding advice are given to the engaged couple. While the couple opens a gift, the couple that gave the gift imparts their greatest wedded-life wisdom. I learned quite a bit that day from couples of all stages. There were couples that have been married for 50+ years and some that were married for just a few months – all jumped at the opportunity to share something that they love about their relationship.
Now, I realize that I have been married for roughly 2 point 7 seconds, and I am told that we are still in that “honeymoon” stage, but hopefully these little tidbits of what makes our marriage fun can help you in your relationship – maybe even enter a new type of “honeymoon” stage.
1. In-n-out Burger
Do something that your spouse LOVES.
Something that you just have to know is that I LOVE In-n-out. In my hometown some of the employees even knew me by name, that is how often I would go. My husband knows that it’s my favorite, so at least once a month he suggests that we go there for a date. I don’t even answer, I run for the car! What makes these In-n-out trips even sweeter is that he does this because he knows that I love it.
Now, he doesn’t feel that their animal style fries come from heaven like I do, but he makes sure that we make it there because it’s my favorite. I know this a silly example, but I think that this act is a significant one because he is actively trying to do something for me that I love…plus In-n-out has never tasted better!
Use that one thing that your sweetheart loves. Maybe it’s seeing a ball game every once in a while, taking them to that new movie that you know they want to see, filling the car up with gas and getting it cleaned without them knowing – whatever they love, do it.
2. Sweet nothings
I had a meeting that went long at work and I didn’t get home until pretty late one night. It was a long day and I was just so exhausted as I was driving home. On the freeway I started to make my to do list. The list: throw clothes in the wash, make a little something to eat, put together a lunch for tomorrow, wipe down the countertops, etc. I was feeling really drained and not excited to walk through the front door. I finally made it home and pushed the door open and there, in the middle of the room surrounded by leftover party balloons, was a chair with a sign that said, “Welcome home! I love you!” It made my day.
These, “sweet nothings” began when we started dating seriously. We were fortunate enough to live in old, moldy, leaky, poorly managed houses RIGHT next door to each other in Provo, Utah. We shared a backyard and lived not even half a block from the laundromat so we were living the life. This was where “sweet nothings” began. We would leave little love notes on one another’s windshield, sneak a treat in their backpack, set an alarm on their phone with a little message, and many more cheesy acts.
I love that this didn’t have to end when we got married. Notes on the mirror, a funny poem in a text message, a favorite treat slipped into the fridge, and many others have the same cheesiness effect that makes me realize that they he is thinking about me. We call these “sweet nothings.” (If that is just too cheesy, you can also refer to them as “throw up things,” your call) They hardly take much time, money, or crazy effort, but it shows your love that you are thinking of them – which I see as invaluable.
3. Mind your P’s and Q’s
I was rushing one morning. It was one of those mornings where the time just somehow escaped. I spent way too long at the gym and was rushing to get to work. My husband was kind enough to package up a lunch for me since he could tell that I didn’t have the time to prepare one.
I grabbed the lunch box, yelled that it was time to go and we raced to the car to head to work (We share a car. I drop him off at work and then drive to my workplace). I did not say thank you once that day for the lunch. He was even so kind as to slip my favorite chapstick inside. The next day it hit me – I am the most ungrateful wife ever. I apologized profusely and he sort of laughed at me and said, “I was wondering when you were going to mention it!”
You know how when you were younger and you were way nicer to your friends than you were to your siblings? Why did we do that? It’s almost as if the more comfortable we are with someone the less “nice” we feel we need to be. This should NOT happen in our intimate relationships.
We should almost be overusing words like “please” “thank you” and “I really appreciate you” because they are doing much more than we even realize. No matter how “close” we are to an individual, they cannot read our minds. Voice that you are grateful that they switched the laundry, let them know that you appreciate how hard they work, and mind your manners in your relationship.
Don’t make your hunk wait a whole day to be thanked, as Nike says, “Just do it.”
I think what these all come down to is, letting them know that you love them, you are thinking about them, and you want what is best for them. None of these things are hard, but they do take some conscious effort. Find what works for you in your relationship and create your own, new, honeymoon stage.