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Eating Disorder Warning Signs

Eating Disorder Warning Signs

by | Aug 28, 2024

Many of the clients I work with go months, and even years, living with an eating disorder and not realizing it. Often, a piece of our work in therapy has to do with coming to the realization that they are indeed dealing with an eating disorder. Recognizing eating disorder symptoms for what they are is an important step in healing. In today’s blog, I want to talk about some of the warning signs that an eating disorder may be present in someone’s life. This is not a comprehensive list of all eating disorder symptoms, nor does it represent every person’s experience in an eating disorder. 

Before I even begin listing some eating disorder symptoms, one point I want to make clearly is that a person’s body weight alone does NOT determine whether or not they have an eating disorder. Eating disorders impact people across the spectrum of body size and shape. Less than 6% of people diagnosed with an eating disorder are medically underweight. For sources on this statistic and others, see the National Eating Disorders website https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/statistics/#general-eating-disorder-statistics

Some common eating disorder signs and symptoms:

Fear of gaining weight or of not being able to lose weight

One of the signs of an eating disorder is strong worry or fear about your body weight. You might be weighing yourself frequently, thinking about your weight constantly, or worrying about how what you eat will impact your weight.

Rigid food “rules”

If you notice that you have strict rules about what and how you eat, this could be a sign of an eating disorder. For example, someone with an eating disorder might have rigid rules about how many calories they eat, how often they eat, or what types of food they can or cannot eat. Typically, these “rules” are also accompanied by excessive guilt or worry about breaking the rules.

Sporadic eating patterns

Another sign of disordered eating is sporadic or chaotic eating. This could look like restrictive eating followed by out-of-control or binge eating, followed by more restriction, etc. It could look like frequently skipping meals or snacks, or avoiding eating at regular intervals. It could look like eating a lot at one point in the day, and then very little at other times in the day. If sporadic eating patterns have become the norm, they may be a sign of an eating disorder.

Compensation for eating

Feeling the need to compensate or “make up” for eating can be a sign of a disordered relationship with food. This could mean feeling the need to exercise in order to feel ok about eating or purging after eating (through vomiting, laxatives, exercise, or fasting).

Obsessive thoughts about food

Constantly thinking about food can be a sign of undernourishment, as well as a sign of disordered eating. Obsessive thoughts about food might feel anxious, distracting, or out of control. Excessive guilt or overthinking about eating can also be a sign of a disorder.

High distress about body shape and weight

Feeling very negatively about yourself because of your body weight or shape can be part of an eating disorder. Having times when you struggle with body image can be a common experience. However, if a negative or critical perception of your body is starting to interfere with your life on a consistent basis, this could be a sign of an eating disorder.

As I mentioned before, this is not a comprehensive list of eating disorder signs and symptoms. Eating disorders are complex mental illnesses, and vary in severity and presentation.

Some of the things mentioned–counting calories, exercising to earn or make up for food, feeling body image distress, etc. are common experiences in our society. While they are common, they can also be disordered. My hope in sharing this information is to help readers recognize unhelpful patterns with eating and food, and get connected with appropriate support. If patterns with eating, exercise, weight, or your body are creating difficulty and distress in your life, you deserve support.

Dealing with Body Insecurities

Dealing with Body Insecurities

by | Jul 31, 2024

Body insecurities are a universal part of being human, and no one is exempt from having moments of self-consciousness or body criticism.  Having body insecurities doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you, or with your body. However, sometimes feeling insecure about your body can start leading to shame, frustration, and avoidance in your life. If you’re feeling like you want to make a change in how you deal with body image insecurities, here are some writing activities that can help you get started. 

First, a little introduction to these activities: I talk often with my clients about how self-reflection is most fruitful when it is paired with action. It’s great to be introspective and aware of your struggles and where they come from, but stopping at self-reflection is not likely to help you make any changes. So, the activities below start with self-reflection, and are meant to lead you to take action as you deal with insecurities about your body. As always, you get to choose whether or not to do these activities and how deeply and intensely you approach them. 

Reflection: write down your thoughts about these questions.

  • What things do I avoid because I feel insecure about my body?
  • What experiences have I missed out on in the past because of body insecurities?

Action:

  • Write down one thing you have been avoiding because of body insecurities, that you will now commit to do. For example, “I’ve been avoiding going swimming with friends, so I am going to the pool this week.”

Reflection:

  • What positive or neutral experiences have I had in my body recently?

Action:

  • Talk to your body out loud, and thank it for those positive or neutral experiences. Notice that your insecurities can be present alongside positive or neutral feelings.

Reflection:

  • What are the experiences and relationships that have contributed to my body insecurities?

Action:

  • Notice and write down the emotions that you feel as you acknowledge the origins of your body insecurities.

Your experience in your body is complex, and layered with the meaning and memories of the life you have lived. The way you feel about your body is intertwined with the many relationships, experiences, and systems your body has interacted with throughout your life. While no single journal activity is going to make insecurities about your body disappear, approaching your body insecurities with the intent to find healing is never wasted effort. 

Body Image and Your Sexual Health

Body Image and Your Sexual Health

by | Jun 19, 2024

If you’re struggling with body image concerns, it makes sense that you may also have struggles with sex. Sexual intimacy brings many of the ultimate forms of vulnerability together, and if you don’t feel comfortable with your body, you might find it difficult to connect and enjoy sexual experiences with a partner.

Here are a couple of things I hope you’ll remember if body image struggles are impacting your sexual relationship.

First, you don’t have to have a “perfect” body in order to enjoy sex. Despite what the media has portrayed for the last several decades, people in a variety of bodies can have fulfilling, meaningful, enjoyable sexual relationships. While the media might insist that you must be young, thin, conventionally attractive, and able-bodied to have and enjoy sexual experiences, this is simply not true. In real life, people in bodies of varying sizes, abilities, and ages are enjoying meaningful sexual connection. It’s true! People with acne, stretch marks, cellulite, wrinkles, body hair, and hair loss can and do enjoy loving, healthy sexual connection. The same goes for people in bodies with chronic illness, limb differences, ostomy bags, movement disorders, visual impairment, or other conditions.

Second, while body image happens in the mind (our thoughts, perceptions, and beliefs about our bodies), satisfying sex happens mostly in the body. The biggest thing you can do to help yourself when body image struggles interfere with sexual connection is this: reconnect with the experience of being in your body. When your mind starts pulling your attention toward body criticism or self-conscious thoughts, remember that your bodily sensations are your anchor for sexual connection. If you intentionally connect with your senses and let your mind be present, you can help yourself through negative body image thoughts.

All of this is easier said than done, of course. Working through body image struggles can be a complex journey. Seeking support from therapy, learning about sexual and relationship health, and having honest conversations with your partner are all excellent ways to help yourself work through body image struggles.

This topic is important to me as a marriage and family therapist. I really believe that healthy relationships are the backbone of our wellbeing as a human race, and I care about helping people find ways to strengthen positive connections with themselves and their partners. All people deserve to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies and in their relationships. Here are some other resources to support you in the realm of body image and relationships:

More Than a Body by Dr. Lindsay Kite and Dr. Lexie Kite

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, PhD

Other blog posts: Navigating Recovery While In a Relationship, Part 1 and Part 2

And coming soon, Balance Health and Healing will be launching an online course I created called Body Image and Sex! The course is meant to help you overcome body image struggles and improve your sexual relationship.

 

I’m excited to share it with you! Join the Waitlist here.

Can I Ever Stop Obsessing About Food?

Can I Ever Stop Obsessing About Food?

by | May 8, 2024

I feel like I’m thinking about food all the time. From the second I wake up, I’m stressed about what I ate yesterday, feeling guilty for how much I ate and the foods I chose. Food is always on my mind. If I’m not worrying about what I just ate, or what’s on my plate right now, I’m obsessing over the next meal. It feels like I’m thinking about food 100% of the time, and I don’t know how to not think this way. I feel like my head is buzzing with numbers–calories, weight, macros, everything–and I can’t concentrate on anything else.

If you relate to the thoughts above, you know how hard it can be to feel like you can’t stop thinking about food. The constant, obsessive thoughts, the never-ending stress and worry about food, the anxiety and guilt, can all feel so overwhelming. If you’re feeling like you can’t stop obsessing about food, please know that you can find relief. I won’t pretend like there’s some magical way to stop obsessing about food instantly, but there are some things that can help.

1: Eat enough, often enough

Preoccupation with food (worrying about food being available, thinking about food when not eating, thinking about future meals) is in part, a natural, biological consequence of being undernourished. Thinking about food can be a normal, short-term hunger cue that helps you know it’s time to eat. However, if you are chronically not eating enough food, or not eating consistently, this normal hunger cue can turn into persistent preoccupation or obsession about food. Whether you have an eating disorder or not, thinking about food all the time can be a sign that you aren’t eating consistently enough. Inconsistent nourishment, whether from an eating disorder, another illness, food insecurity, or another reason, can lead to obsessive thoughts about food. The good news is that if you begin to eat enough, often enough, you are likely to start to find that you think about food less often than you do when you are undereating or eating sporadically. There is no substitute or “hack” for bypassing the psychological consequences of undereating. Eating enough, often enough, is key to reducing obsessive thoughts about food.

2: Engage with other parts of your life

If you have been stuck in a pattern of anxiety or worry about eating, it can feel hard to focus on anything but food. Focusing on food may have been an escape, a coping mechanism, or a necessity in the past for many reasons. However, continuing to put your energy into worries about food eventually ends up making life feel pretty small. 

If you’ve noticed that most of your hobbies and interests are connected to food, exercise, or appearance, it might be time to intentionally start engaging with other interests and activities. Give yourself the chance to expand your priorities and experiences beyond the reaches of obsession about food. Doing so can literally change your brain! Neuroplasticity, or the ability for our brains to change their neural networks in response to new experiences and learning, is part of how you can find relief from obsession about food. The more your actions reinforce an obsession with food, the harder it will feel to think about anything else. BUT, the more your actions and experiences reinforce connection with priorities other than food and weight, the more your thoughts and emotions will shift away from food obsession, and toward greater balance.

3: Give it time

If you are working on doing the things I mentioned above (nourishing yourself adequately and consistently, and engaging with parts of your life that aren’t connected to food) and it still feels like you’re stuck obsessing over food, remember to give it time. Changing your habits and your brain takes repetition and time to solidify. Don’t give up! Stick with it, and gather support around you as you make these changes. Changing the patterns around disordered eating and food obsession can be a long road, but with consistency and support, you can find your way through.

In Defense of Emotional Eating

In Defense of Emotional Eating

by | Feb 21, 2024

The term “emotional eating” is often used with a negative connotation. Eating for emotional reasons, rather than to satisfy hunger, is usually talked about as something physically and emotionally unhealthy. Here’s my take: Emotional eating isn’t inherently unhealthy! 

Of course, “emotional eating” can sometimes be an ineffective form of coping with emotions or distress. Avoiding emotions through eating can be part of an unhelpful cycle. (Then again, so can avoiding emotions through NOT eating!) However, it makes sense for us to involve food in our experience of many emotions, pleasant and unpleasant!

Eating out of celebration can connect us to our culture, to family and loved ones, and to sensory delight. For me, homemade cherry pie is a food I eat exclusively for emotional reasons! It’s tradition in the family I grew up in to have cherry pie on birthdays and other special occasions, usually AFTER a big meal of Taiwanese dumplings shared together. I’m almost never hungry by the time we get out the cherry pie, so I guess that means I’m always “emotionally eating” when I eat cherry pie. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right! The delicious experience of filling my belly with dumplings, then savoring tart cherries and flaky pie crust is a big part of what makes those special days significant. This type of emotional eating is precious to me because it has been a tradition in my family since I was a child.

Eating for nostalgia, to remember a person, a place, or a tradition, can be beautiful and meaningful. Whenever I eat a fresh peach, whether I’m physically hungry or not, I cannot help but find myself “emotionally eating.” To me, the smell of ripening peaches instantaneously takes my mind back to the kitchen of the home where I grew up. The taste of fresh peaches is the taste of decades of Labor Days spent laughing with my siblings. A bowl of cut-up peaches set on the table is a love note from my mom or dad. For me, peaches are often a part of “emotional eating” that I deem as healthy for myself and my relationships.

Eating because we are feeling stressed or sad makes sense, and can be a helpful choice. Eating can be soothing to our bodies. From the very moment we are born, we are meant to find soothing and safety through eating. Eating is supposed to feel good! When approached intentionally, “emotional eating” can be a helpful tool for coping and self-care. For me, sometimes crunching my way through a bowl of cereal (especially Honey Bunches of Oats with almonds. IYKYK.) is part of what helps me soothe myself enough to face the stresses of another couple of hours of parenting little kids. I see these moments of “emotional eating” as an effective way for me to sit with and work through stress so I can move on with my day.

Food is fuel for our bodies, and it is also so much more. Eating for emotional reasons can add variety, meaning, comfort, and connection to our lives. There needs to be no shame in “emotional eating.” Emotional eating is a normal part of the human experience, sometimes in helpful ways, and sometimes in unhelpful ways. Of course, if eating for emotional reasons has become part of a cycle that is not adding to your well-being, you deserve to have support and help with breaking that cycle, and with learning more effective ways to cope. And even then, eating for emotional reasons can still play a healthy, helpful role in your life. Making room for “emotional eating” is, in many ways, an essential element of having a peaceful relationship with food because eating and emotion can never fully be separated. Food and emotion are inherently intertwined, sometimes in painful ways, but also in beautiful and meaningful ways.