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At War with Yourself

At War with Yourself

by | Jun 22, 2022

Do your mind and body feel unified? Or are you constantly at war with yourself? 

A few years back I attended a yoga class that shifted my understanding of my relationship with my body, and I’d like to share that shift with you. 

​I was very new to yoga and thought it would be a fun hobby to get into. I found a spot in the back left corner of the studio and glanced around the room observing others as they prepared for class. A few moments later, our instructor had us sit at the front of our mats and tune into our breathing. She helped the class set the intention to connect with and be grateful for our bodies that were enabling us to practice yoga that day. 

As we began moving through different poses, I found myself becoming deeply emotional. I couldn’t understand where it was coming from. I felt my throat choke up as I tried to swallow the feelings down and blink away the burning in my eyes. This continued for the entirety of the class as waves of emotions passed over me, but I only partially succeeded in pushing them away. 

The class ended with a meditation lying on our backs. As I laid there, I had a realization that completely changed my life. I realized that I had been at war within myself for as long as I could remember. The subconscious war of my mind and my body. 

My body welled with emotion again as I recognized the pain I had put myself through for so long. The constant disappointment I had placed on my body as it failed to meet the expectations of my mind. This disconnection screamed at me as if my body was finally able to communicate how wrong I had been! I had been fueling an intense and gruesome war within myself and it needed to end.

I have thought so much about this experience and how to mend my relationship between my body and mind. We live in a world that distracts us from inner connection. If we aren’t careful, we allow feelings of hatred, unworthiness, and disappointment to become the foundation of our relationship with our bodies. As I have sought answers, I’ve recognized how common this separation is within all of us, big or small. 

Dr. Melissa Smith often talks about “Laying down your weapons of war”. To me, this means recognizing that we shame our bodies for not meeting our mind’s expectations, and shame our minds for not meeting our bodies expectations. 

We desperately need to view the shame, the should’s, and the disappointment within us as cruel weapons against ourselves, and LAY THEM DOWN. 

When we acknowledge the war we have created between our minds and bodies, we can begin to grasp just how vital connection really is. We are not meant to live with a constant war inside of us. Our minds and bodies were created to work together, to be unified. As we do this, we enable that connection to spread like wildfire in our life. This means greater inner peace, sense of self, meaningful relationships, and an overall increase in quality of life.

 

Lessons from Vienna

Lessons from Vienna

by | Apr 6, 2022

 My all time favorite song is Vienna by Billy Joel. Every time it begins playing, I feel the need to sink into my chair, close my eyes, and soak in all of its goodness and wisdom. Over the years I have learned a few lessons from the lyrics that I would like to share with you. Feel free to pause here and listen to Vienna if it’s been a minute for you, then come back. 

  1. “Slow downnnn, you’re doing fine”. These words can be applied to every single one of us, and in many areas of our lives. Here’s a gentle reminder: Healing takes TIME; Oftentimes, a very frustrating amount of it. But you are going to get there, and there is so much to be learned along the way that you are meant to experience. I know too well how easy it can be to get caught up in anxieties, what-if’s, and should-haves. But what really happens is we miss out on the present by stressing out over the future. Slow down, you are literally doing fine! 
  2. “Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while. It’s all right, you can afford to lose a day or two”. Consistency is great, but so is flexibility. We truly need a balance of both in life. It’s okay to take time off, switch up your routine, or not be working towards a goal 24/7. When it comes to recovery, it’s impossible to be perfect. In fact, the healthiest thing we can do may be to take a step back from perfectionism. It’s okay to take a day off of school, work, or any other stressor in your life. Trust me, you can afford it. It may actually pay you back. 
  3. “You’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need”. I think our minds like to distract us from the raw and real sides of us. So much so,  we create tasks and situations that distract from truth. In my own journey to healing, my anxiety propelled me into every future possibility. When I hear these words, I think back on what I really needed at that time, which was emotional and physical safety, and basic self-care. Ask yourself, am I using distraction to cope with something? What do I actually need right now? 

This song reminds me that the nature and beauty in life comes from growing, learning and experiencing. Life would have no purpose if we already had it all figured out. The truth is, no one has figured it out yet, and neither should you! If you are feeling stressed or discouraged in your healing journey, take a second to zoom out for a bigger perspective (maybe give Vienna a listen to help you do so). Create some space between yourself and the heavy parts in your life and recognize that you don’t have to carry it all at once. We are all simply doing the best we can on the bumpy path we are on. The nature of life is to figure it out as we go, and we are exactly where we need to be right now. 

 

Be Your Own Advocate

Be Your Own Advocate

by | Jan 12, 2022

The concept of self compassion has always felt a little foreign to me. The idea of it is lovely, but I have learned that practicing self-compassion is much easier said than done. Why do we naturally extend extra grace to others, but we struggle in applying the same love and attention to ourselves? (more…)

Hope Amongst Chaos

Hope Amongst Chaos

by | Oct 27, 2021

When I first started dating my husband, we spent every minute together and I loved it. In those moments, I noticed his cute gestures and funny mannerisms. I remember the first time I heard his genuine belly laugh and I thought it was the best sound I’d ever heard. 

As I continued to learn more about him, I noticed something that left me confused. I observed how his mindset and relationship with food was positive and healthy. I couldn’t understand because, up until that point, I didn’t know what a healthy relationship with food was like. I had been searching and working for it for years, yet it was the first time I was able to see a healthy relationship with food in action! I found it so fascinating that he didn’t exhaust his mind with thoughts of calories, comparison, exercise, weight, etc. 

My thoughts scrambled for clarity: He doesn’t carry mental baggage as a placemat to every meal? He doesn’t tie his gym shoes with shame from last night’s dessert? His every reflection doesn’t speak negatively to him? 

I needed to understand… I needed to know what his secret was! 

Now, after many conversations, I think to myself: He fully enjoys food and the experiences around it. He shows care for his body and mind through exercise. He finds his worth in his faith, values, and actions. 

As I have slowly started to understand and apply similar thinking in my own experiences, I have started to believe it. 

So I have a challenge for you. I challenge you to switch the word ‘He’ with ‘I’ and say it out loud. 

“I fully enjoy food and the experiences around it.” 

“I show care for my body and mind through exercise.”

“I find my worth in my faith, values, and actions.”

Now repeat that again! If this feels like wishful thinking, you are correct. That’s why it is a passage for hope. 

When recovery seems out of reach or far too slow, I promise that there is hope and light ahead for you. An incredible life, beyond the constant mental exhaustion surrounding food and body image, exists and is attainable. I promise you that there are celebrations, vacations, and moments in your future that don’t include that chaos. The light and peace that comes from healing is reachable, and it is more than worth it.